I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
