Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
