How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
