i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
