Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
