im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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