Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
