he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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