but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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