I just pynch a tree in the face
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
