That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
