Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
