Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we're making bets on your personal life
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
