I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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