her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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