you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish my penis had an off switch
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
