My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
