i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
