i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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