I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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