Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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