Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
