He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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