the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
