Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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