He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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