i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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