hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
