i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
