If i come over, it means nothing
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
