She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
