my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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