I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
