It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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