Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
