I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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