so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
