You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
