Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Say something about gay babies.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
