i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Randomize
