my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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