New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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