I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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