if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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