never play flip cup with pint glasses
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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