Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
