We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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