:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
