I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
