gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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