So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
there is glitter all over my balls
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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