Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
