Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
