i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
