Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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